Only in FLA: Why it is a bad idea to shoplift porn
Because the local news (and some asshat blogger) will publish your name, Joseph Michael Votta, for allegedly stealing a copy of Teenage Brotha Lovers #9 (much better than Teenage Brotha Lovers #8, IMO) from a store in Spring Hill, Florida.
Man, don’t you know, you’re supposed to steal other things, sell them, THEN use THAT money to buy your porn. Much less embarrassing that way, if you get caught.
Good thing shoplifting doesn’t generally result in jail time, or you’d be finding out all about Brotha Lovers.
Only in FLA: Get out of my yard
It’s been a while since I had a “juicy” Only-in-FLA post, and today I have one courtesy of the last county I lived in, Hernando.
Hernando was basically a divided county for about 35 years, with the east side of the county consisting primarily of multi-generational Floridians and the west side consisting of “Yankees”. You didn’t actually have to be from up north to be considered a Yankee. The fact that you lived amongst them on the west side of the county was enough.
When I see stories like this one about a woman filing charges against her neighbor for stealing tangerines, I don’t even have to look to know where it took place.
I’ve had citrus trees. I didn’t mind people taking the fruit, because my trees always produced way more than my family would consume. I preferred people ask before they came in my yard, but in reality it saved me from having to go out there and clean up the dead fruit. Leaving dead fruit on the ground attracts rodents and ants.
My grandfather lived down near Punta Gorda and had about an acre of trees. He had a real problem with people coming in and stealing the fruit. He would actually harvest all the fruit and juice every bit of it. It was extremely rich in Vitamin C, and I used it regularly over the years to fight off colds. But, he never called the police on the trespassers, he’d just go out with his shovel and chase ‘em off.
Old people will kill for good citrus.
Florida Sites- An error has occurred; the feed is probably down. Try again later.
-
