Nov
27
New gear for Christmas
Filed Under Interesting | Leave a Comment
So, I talk about crime in Florida pretty regularly. Hard not to, what with drunken parents passing out in the car with kids in the backseat, or politicians being arrested for soliciting male prostitutes and what not. Florida’s got its own vibe when it comes to crime.
So, what do you get for that hard-working police officer, or cop-wannabee in the family? Head over to 511 tactical and see what they have. I see all kinds of cool stuff, especially the tactical pants. I like a lot of utility pockets, and being the fat guy that I am, I need pants that can take a beating.
Honey? You reading? I checked, and they do have the pants in fat-man sizes, too.
Nov
14
Only in FLA: Man trying to escape from police, eaten by alligator
Filed Under Only in FLA | 2 Comments
It’s all over the news in Florida today: A guy was breaking into cars at the Miccosukee Resort and Convention Center and was chased by tribal police.
Let me stop for a moment and just say that down here, we assume every body of water has an alligator. It’s safer that way. Those suckers turn up in every place imaginable.
So this guy is running from the police and jumps into a lake and a 9-foot alligator swims alongside and grabs his head. Divers found the torso two days later at the bottom of the lake. Of course, Florida law requires that the alligator be destroyed because the assumption is that once they’ve tasted human flesh they’ll keep seeing humans as prey.
They ought to be giving that gator a medal.
Oct
30
Scratch my nuts
Filed Under Florida Crime, Humor | Leave a Comment
Mr. Fab, can you account for your whereabouts on the day this video was taken?
Can you imagine asking a Florida Highway Patrolman to scratch your nuts? I mean, after you’re in handcuffs?
Oct
4
Only in FLA: Just another night out with the boys
Filed Under Florida Crime, Humor, Only in FLA | Leave a Comment
God, is it wrong that I love slapping together these “Only in FLA” stories?
Here’s a beauty that could have been any of a dozen guys I grew up with over in Brooksville. I’m not surprised it happened, I’m just surprised the guy lives in a city. When I saw his photo my heart leapt, because he bears a striking resemblance to someone I expect to hate for the rest of my life, but alas, it was not to be. A guy can still have dreams, can’t he?
Man arrested after chase swigs beer, flips off cops
Oct
2
Only in FLA: Who knew Britney Spears and her kids moved to Lake Mary?
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Seriously, though, is this woman in need of parental counseling or what? Lady, what were you thinking?
Police: Kid, 7, steers mom’s van into tree
LAKE MARY, Fla. (AP) — Police say a seven-year-old sitting on her mother’s lap steered a van through some mailboxes and into a palm tree in Lake Mary.
What’s next? "Here honey, this is how we carve the Thanksgiving turkey. First, we sharpen the knife…"
Sep
18
Only in FLA: Idiot University Student
Filed Under Only in FLA | 2 Comments
Yeah, you knew I couldn’t stay away from this bit about the UF student (here’s his website, by the way) that got tasered at a speech by John Kerry. A lot of people are jumping to his defense, but I watched the video below and thought he was a total douchebag - rude, monopolizing the mic, out of control, resisting arrest.
You can’t do that, moron.
Seriously, he comes across in the full video, the video that shows what led up to the police stepping in, like someone with a mental problem. No, not trying to be funny, just an observation. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again - I wish I knew half as much as I thought I knew when I was his age.
Aug
31
That’s right, your favorite Florida Sun Dog feature is back - Only in FLA!! Heeeeeere we go:
Stupid is as stupid does, right?
Not only was this babysitter stupid enough to smoke weed, not only was she stupid enough to smoke weed with a 5-yr old, she POSTED THE PHOTOS ON MYSPACE!
A 15-year-old Yulee girl has landed herself in legal trouble and likely ended her babysitting career with photos she allegedly posted on the Internet of her smoking marijuana with a child.The girl was arrested last week after police received an anonymous tip that she had pictures on her MySpace web page showing her smoking marijuana with a child approximately four or five years old.
Yet another reason to hate MySpace with the heat of a thousand suns.
What? MySpace isn’t the issue?
Oh. Yeah. You might be right.
Aug
19
Only in FLA: It’s all fun and games until someone breaks out the Stinger missile
Filed Under Florida Crime, Only in FLA, Orlando | Leave a Comment
Police Get Missile Launcher During Gun-Shoe Exchange
Somehow, I don’t feel safer with the Orlando Police Department keeping their “no questions asked” policy intact.
There’s an exception to every rule, guys. Yes, when you get a man-portable, shoulder-fired guided missile system being turned in for a pair of child sneakers, that would qualify as one of those exceptions.
Aug
19
Girl Tries to Flee Hurricane on Her Bike
Filed Under Storms, Weather | Leave a Comment
A little girl flees hurricane Dean on her bike? Yes, it’s true.
In Deland, police stopped a girl who had been missing for some time and was last seen riding her bike. When questioned, she told them she was scared about Hurricane Dean hitting Florida and was riding back home to Ohio, where the family had recently come from.
How sad is this? We’ve scared the poor the children here in Florida sooo much that she tried to leave pedaling her little bike out of the state.
Jul
8
We start ‘em young down here in FLA:
MIAMI (Reuters) - An 11-year-old girl was charged with drunken driving after leading police on a chase at speeds of up to 100 mph that ended when she flipped the car…
…The young driver, who lived nearby in Perdido Key, Florida,…
I don’t envy her parents as she heads into her teens. Wild-child… whatever will become of her…
Good luck, folks…
