Feb
5
Only in FLA: Woman buckles the Busch, let’s the infant roam free in the car
Filed Under Florida Crime | Leave a Comment
Sorry, I just don’t have the energy to write about how this woman ought to be…
Police: Fla. driver’s beer was buckled up, infant was not
See, told you I don’t have the energy.
Dec
28
Only in FLA: Baby Jesus loves GPS
Filed Under Only in FLA | 2 Comments
First we had the crazy old lady filing charges against her tangerine-stealing neighbor. Now, GPS equipped baby Jesus foils thief
Dec
18
Only in FLA: Get out of my yard
Filed Under Only in FLA | 3 Comments
It’s been a while since I had a “juicy” Only-in-FLA post, and today I have one courtesy of the last county I lived in, Hernando.
Hernando was basically a divided county for about 35 years, with the east side of the county consisting primarily of multi-generational Floridians and the west side consisting of “Yankees”. You didn’t actually have to be from up north to be considered a Yankee. The fact that you lived amongst them on the west side of the county was enough.
When I see stories like this one about a woman filing charges against her neighbor for stealing tangerines, I don’t even have to look to know where it took place.
I’ve had citrus trees. I didn’t mind people taking the fruit, because my trees always produced way more than my family would consume. I preferred people ask before they came in my yard, but in reality it saved me from having to go out there and clean up the dead fruit. Leaving dead fruit on the ground attracts rodents and ants.
My grandfather lived down near Punta Gorda and had about an acre of trees. He had a real problem with people coming in and stealing the fruit. He would actually harvest all the fruit and juice every bit of it. It was extremely rich in Vitamin C, and I used it regularly over the years to fight off colds. But, he never called the police on the trespassers, he’d just go out with his shovel and chase ‘em off.
Old people will kill for good citrus.
Dec
7
Only in Florida: Rhino poop for sale
Filed Under Only in FLA | 1 Comment
According to tampabays10.com, there is a conservation group in Yulee with a fairly… unique… fundraiser going on at eBay: Rhino Poop
The International Rhino Federation is running the auction. Prices are up to $400 to $500 per sample, depending on variety.
I have no idea how they authenticate this crap.
Nov
29
Only in FLA: Was it his breath?
Filed Under Only in FLA | 1 Comment
So, I guess she isn’t going to be giving him the “it’s not you, it’s me” line? After all, if his kisses are so unwelcome, she bit part of his tongue off.
Good thing he wasn’t trying to force her to have oral sex, or I’d have to be hunting for pictures of Tobias Beecher.
Nov
27
Only in FLA: (Drunken) Parents of the Year
Filed Under Only in FLA | 3 Comments
Why we insist on allowing EVERYONE with penis and a uterus to breed is beyond me.
It’s a shame the kids are the ones that have to suffer. I mean, really, what kind of parents get so wasted on a Saturday with their kids that they black out WHILE DRIVING HOME and can’t even remember what day it is?
Seriously, there is a class of stupidity so egregious it ought to be a zero-tolerance category when it comes to keeping custody of your kids.
Nov
21
Only in FLA: Superman robs 7-11
Filed Under Florida Crime, Only in FLA, Orlando | Leave a Comment
My guess is these two will be the Belles of the Ball at the 33rd Street lock-up:
Two men wearing Superman pajamas were taken into custody today after they robbed three 7-Eleven convenience stores at gunpoint, according to police.
Here’s where they went wrong:
An officer said he noticed the pajama-wearing men robbing the 7-Eleven store in MetroWest and waited in the parking lot.
See guys, you thought the jammies would a great distraction, huh? That the jammies would be the onliest thing people would remember? You forgot about how you would sorta stand out, didn’t you?
Hat tip to tampabays10.com
Nov
14
Only in FLA: Man trying to escape from police, eaten by alligator
Filed Under Only in FLA | 2 Comments
It’s all over the news in Florida today: A guy was breaking into cars at the Miccosukee Resort and Convention Center and was chased by tribal police.
Let me stop for a moment and just say that down here, we assume every body of water has an alligator. It’s safer that way. Those suckers turn up in every place imaginable.
So this guy is running from the police and jumps into a lake and a 9-foot alligator swims alongside and grabs his head. Divers found the torso two days later at the bottom of the lake. Of course, Florida law requires that the alligator be destroyed because the assumption is that once they’ve tasted human flesh they’ll keep seeing humans as prey.
They ought to be giving that gator a medal.
Nov
13
Only in FLA: Man found stuck in cat door, dead; Yahoo attempts to profit from tragedy
Filed Under Only in FLA | Leave a Comment
Man, this would funny if it weren’t so tragic.
Investigators said 32-year-old Charles Tucker Jr. was using the cat door early Saturday morning as a way to get back into his girlfriend’s St. Augustine home after the woman kicked him out.
Deputies said several hours after his girlfriend told him to leave she found him stuck in the cat door.
From Yahoo News and News4Jax
While you ought to feel bad if you find that story funny, here’s something you don’t need to feel bad about - Yahoo’ contextual sensing ad technology delivering the worst possible ad at the worst possible time:
Of course, you may need me to blow that up a little. Click on the picture, hope this works:
Nov
9
Only in FLA: Time to get Grandpa glasses, Duval county school workers a brain
Filed Under Jacksonville, Only in FLA | 1 Comment
Grandpa Picks Up Wrong Kid From School
My in-laws pick the kids up from various functions all the time. I can’t imagine this ever happening. Is this guy blond, or just so out of touch with his grandchildren that he doesn’t even know them?
Please Mom, get him to an eye doctor, then introduce him to his grandchildren.
But, the workers that released the wrong kid! The school district said they’re going to be disciplined. I hope that discipline involves firing and reporting them to the authorities for child endangerment. They were lucky the grandfather was “normal” and not some sex predator. LUCKY!
