Jesus doesn’t know
Last week, my 6-year old was being evil in church. Finally, I had enough and took her out of there (yes, I know she got what she wanted but it got to the point where she was physically injuring people next to her). The punishment was appropriate, and I also asked her to write a letter of apology to Jesus. Instead, she wrote it to God.
I’m saving it to frame when she gets older.
The translation, for those of you that can’t read kindergarten spelling and grammar:
Sorry I was bad so I’m sending this note.
Love Emily __________
xoooo
PS: Don’t tell Jesus, he doesn’t know
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“
Why I hate my birthday, and what I’ve learned the last 41 years
“Experience and treachery beat youth and vigor every time.” – My Dad
41 years ago this morning, I squeezed my way into the world.
Just goes to show you, babies are dumb.
No, it isn’t a happy birthday for a variety of reasons, some I can talk about, some I can’t. As you would expect, the reasons I can’t talk about are infinitely more interesting that the reasons I can. Such is life. Don’t worry, you’ll learn to live with the disappointment.
Reason #1 it is not a happy birthday: I am profoundly underemployed. No, really.
Reason #2 it is not a happy birthday: Google is run by Satan.
Remarkably, I’ve learned a lesson or two about human behavior in the last 41 yrs. But, for some reason, God wants to keep drilling those lessons into me.
Lesson #1 about human behavior: The more you love someone, the harder it is to forgive them for the “bad stuff”. Don’t believe that crap about ‘love conquering all’. Loving someone means making yourself vulnerable to them, which means trusting them, so when those you trust the most hurt you, it’s pretty tough to make the journey back.
Lesson #2 about human behavior: You don’t need to take an extra deviled egg at a picnic. No one ever eats the last deviled egg. It will still be there when you’re ready for it.
That’s wisdom, right there.
I’m sure you’re all scrambling to get me presents. Don’t worry, just click the “Share This” button below, then give me the Stumble, Digg, Furls, etc. -love of your choice. All I need is 15 seconds of your time. Thanks so much.
Who knew? God likes to play hoops!
So, it’s been a few months, I think, since I wrote about church. Don’t worry this isn’t about religion. There is a difference, you know.
(Again, for those that don’t know my opinion on discussions of religion and God and whether he exists or not, allow me to tell you: It’s none of your business. I am not evangelical in any way, shape, manner or form. I don’t go to your blog and try to change your opinion, don’t try to change mine.)
So, I’m in church this morning, wrangling the young ‘uns because I take the kids by myself about 95% of the time because my wife works most Sunday mornings answering incoming sales calls for Home Shopping Network – yes, it’s a stay-at-home job and you can find out about it from her. Also, I’m pretty sure she’s a heathen.
Anyway, the youngest is 5, so it’s really like herding cats for an hour and a half. This particular priest normally tries really hard to inspire the flock, but often it comes across like he’s trying to inspire himself. In this case, the parish is in the midst of a capital campaign, which I think other churches would call “The Building Fund” so he was reading from a script because apparently $1.4M isn’t enough just yet.
Of course, I tune out. I made up my mind long ago to limit my support to just my weekly envelope. I’m in no position to help, and when I inquired at the church’s school when I moved here 18 months ago about need-based and merit-based scholarships, I was told there weren’t any, so I don’t see the point in supporting expanding a school that won’t accept my kids because I can’t pay the tuition and they have a waiting list.
Shut up, it’s perfectly logical to me.
Anyway, in the midst of my kid-wrangling, I’m brought back to the moment by this little nugget from the mouth of a Catholic priest:
“… because the Lord needs a new parish activity center with a gymnasium.”
Excusemewhat?
Really, Catholic guilt works much better. Let’s leave the concept that we know which worldly goods the Lord wants us to have to the Protestants down at the Church-of-What’s-Happening-Now.
Just tell me what I don’t deserve to have.
Only in FLA: Just another night out with the boys
God, is it wrong that I love slapping together these “Only in FLA” stories?
Here’s a beauty that could have been any of a dozen guys I grew up with over in Brooksville. I’m not surprised it happened, I’m just surprised the guy lives in a city. When I saw his photo my heart leapt, because he bears a striking resemblance to someone I expect to hate for the rest of my life, but alas, it was not to be. A guy can still have dreams, can’t he?
Man arrested after chase swigs beer, flips off cops
The gayest post I’ve ever written
And that’s saying something, considering that I’ve written about American Idol on other blogs.
So, I was sitting in church Sunday morning.
Yes, I go to church. No, I don’t want to talk about heaven, hell, God, Jesus, life, death, atheism, agnostics, christians, jews. If you do, go to blogger and get yourself a blog and write all about it on your own time. I pay for this space.
So, I’m in church. There’s a row with a half-dozen or so teenage boys in front of me.
Don’t start.
So, there’s a row of teenage boys, and everyone of them has the same haircut. I’m sure you’ve seen it, it’s been very popular since the first High School Musical broadcast. I call it the "Zac Efron-do".
It’s the "in" ‘do this year, I guess. Whatever, but I don’t understand how come it’s the ‘Zac and not the ‘Bleu.
Now THAT’s a ‘do! It takes a commitment to grow that mop out. It tells those 16 year old girls that you CARE about your looks, that you’re hip, you got it going on, AND you’ve got good hair!
I mean, ANYONE can grow the ‘Zac. Takes about 6-8 weeks to get it over the tops of your ears, 3-4 months to fill out.
The ‘Bleu, on the other hand, takes commitment. That’s a year, at least, that you’re looking at in that picture, folks. I know, I’ve got curly hair, it takes a long time to grow to that kind of length because it’s springy and shrinks up when it curls.
So, boys, be a man, get the ‘Bleu.
PS for Fab: The soundtrack to High School Musical 2 has a song by Ashley Tisdale titled "Fabulous". Great bumper music for the radio show, if you haven’t picked it up already. I have 2 daughters, I can’t help knowing things like this.
Fair warning
I’m over my trepidation regarding migrating my blogs to Wordpress and a new host. Since I went with Bluehost several weeks ago, I’ve mucked around trying to screw stuff up and haven’t. So I’m feeling better about my problems with GoDaddy being GoDaddy’s fault and not mine.
Effin’ GoDaddy.
This blog is hosted on Blogger. Nothing against Blogger – the price is right and the UI is easy to learn and use – but I need the tools and features in WP in a bad way. So, I’m going to take a deep breath sometime this week and mobilate this blog over to Wordpress. I don’t know when – could be as soon as tonight – but sometime when I can sit down and have a couple hours of uninterrupted time.
But here’s the thing – I have no idea if my RSS feeds are going to break in the process. So, be looking for it. I’ll probably give a final “Here goes nothing” post, then we’ll just have to see on the other side, right?
Oh, and if anyone has a recommendation for a super-cool WP theme for this puppy, let me know.
Only in FLA: Group steals her helper monkey
I swear to god, this is the first time I’d heard of monkey-nappers. Sounds like something straight out of a Carl Hiaasen novel!
A simian-snatching group stole away with a monkey trained as a companion for a Putnam County woman with mental disabilities.
Joan Newberger, 60, was showing the marmoset monkey, named Destiny and clad in a yellow dress and lavender leash, to four men about 5:40 p.m. Friday at Acme Grooming and Pet Haven Adoption Service in San Mateo
Hat tip to Jacksonville.com
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