Jun
8
Dr. Jack Mehoff at Hernando High School in Brooksville, FL
Filed Under Brooksville | Leave a Comment
I see this year’s graduates at my Alma Mater are doing their level-best to keep parents on their toes.
Dr. Jack Mehoff on Sex Education
Now, off to watch Varsity Blues. The strip club scene just came on. Hot for teacher, ya know.
Feb
19
Uh-oh…
Filed Under Humor | 3 Comments
Feb
2
I’m not a huge Sarah Silverman fan, and Kimmel’s best work was on The Man Show.
But, this video was awesome!
Lots of beeping going on, so technically I suppose it’s ok for work, but you know…
Anyway, I laughed hysterically once the hook became apparent.
Enjoy!
Why is this on a blog about Florida?
Because Matt Damon lives in Miami with his wife, daughter, and step-daughter. I think. Part-time, at least.
Jan
29
Just insert “Florida” wherever he says Australia; that’s how I feel some days.
(Warning: Adult language!)
Jan
19
Differences between men and women
Filed Under Family | 5 Comments
I’m not much for pondering past accomplishments as the list is long and distinguished, much like my johns-…
Sorry. Had a Top Gun moment there. I’ve been distracted by all the craziness that is Tom Cruise the past few days.
Anyway, I was looking into why Pokerstars was all of a sudden sending me free swag, because the last time I played poker on their site was my stellar run deep into the World Poker Blogger Championship of Online Poker, or some such thing. I was trying to find my post where I listed the prizes to see if they matched with the stuff that was being shipped. Along the way, I came across a post from way back that left me chuckling.
Today, I see it as the perfect example of the differences between men and women. Let me set the context.
In March 2006 we had a contract to sell our house and move to Jax. Moving day was 3 weeks away, and I was making dump runs weekly and we were packing every day. We were just about broke thanks to a layoff the previous fall. On my poker blog, I was posting under my screen name from the poker rooms, and Stacey was referred to as “Mrs. Big”. Then, this happened:
Mrs. Big has me scratching my ever-loving-head these days.
She asked me to stop at Sam’s and pick up a Click-n-Pull order today. I get there, and there’s a float stacked high with emergency food: 128 bottles of water, a case of Gatorade, gobs of canned soups, veggies, and Chef Boyardee, 50 lbs of dog food,30 rolls of TP, filter masks, god knows how many maxi-pads… oh, and there was a second order she placed an hour later with hand sanitizer and 6 more gallons of Zephyrhills water because apparently 128 bottles wasn’t enough.
We’re moving in 3 weeks. We’re spending our days weeding out crap, and here she is bringing it back in. I can’t even bring myself to tell you how much this crap cost.
Bird Flu.
Yep, she’s afraid that society is going to break down if there’s bird flu.
Ok, I can understand the canned goods - you don’t want to go to a store if society breaks down. And hey, stranger things have happened that society breaking down in the NEXT 3 WEEKS. But, I’m pretty sure the water will still run. As a matter of fact, I’m sure of it because the house we’re going to in Jax has a WELL!!! And Bird Flu won’t make the power go off!!!
Say what you like about us not stopping for directions, or putting the seat down after we pee, or being selfish lovers - if a man bought all this stuff, in this situation, he’d be put on a militia watch-list.
Jan
17
7 Weird Things About Me
Filed Under Great Blogs | 2 Comments
So that @#$%^&!!!! Cheryl tagged me.
To Please the Sponsors - The Rules:
1- Link to the person’s blog who tagged you.
2- Post these rules on your blog.
3- List seven random and/or weird facts about yourself.
4- Tag seven random people at the end of your post and include links to their blogs.
5- Let each person know that they have been tagged by posting on comment on their blog.
7 Weird Things About Me
- I do lots of posts using the number 7.
- My first avatar when I started playing online poker was Buddy Christ.
- Despite priding myself on being a smart gambler who understands odds in games like poker and blackjack and does not play without an edge, I buy lottery tickets almost every week.
- All the downtown ladies call me “Treetop Lover”, and all the men just call me “Sir”.
- I was 36 years old before I ever traveled outside of the USA. I went to Canada a couple of times . I foresee no reason to ever leave the States again.
- The coldest I’ve ever been was a summer baseball game at Wrigley Field.
- My daughters have been playing soccer for two years, and I can’t tell you the score of a single game.
Who shall I tag? Heck, most people I know have already been tagged by other people. Time to get new people. Let’s see… My wife, of course… der, if you want me to tag you, leave me a comment.
I’m so lame.
Jan
11
So the judge ruled that Debra Lafave violated her probation, but added no punishment because it wasn’t willful or substantial.
I like it. Soloman-esque.
But the part I like most: According to the violation report, what she did is considered a “Violation of Condition 69“.
Must. not. make. sophomoric. pun…
More "Hot Women in Jail" Posts
- Oh, this is just too funny: Fallen Idol
- Jessica Sierra offers cop oral sex in exchange for release
- Debra Lafave arrested again; does not offer oral sex to cop in exchange for release
- Did Tampa teacher get sentenced to prison for sex with student because she’s a lesbian?
- That nice girl from American Idol, Jessica Sierra, has a sex tape. Allegedly.
- Coming Soon: American Idol - The MILF Edition (or, “Is Jessica Sierra pregnant?”)
- The Debra Lafave violation report is a punny thing
Jan
7
Jan
5
Robert at middlezonemusings.com left a comment on my post regarding why Florida is superior to North Carolina, about why Texas is better than both places. I promised myself that Texas would be addressed very quickly, so here it is:
7 Reasons Florida is Better Than Texas
- NASA Headquarters is in Houston, TX. NASA launches rockets at Cape Canaveral, FL. When people go to a shuttle launch, they go to Florida because that is where the action is.
- Illegal immigrants in TX cross the Rio Grande. Illegal immigrants in FL cross the Florida Straits. Florida’s illegals are tougher.
- Floridians do not feel the need to brag about size. After all, we live in the only state in the US shaped like a phallus.
- Texas: Two NFL teams, in Houston and Dallas. Florida: Three NFL teams, if you count the Dolphins (weak, I know).
- Top industry in Florida: Tourism, because everyone wants to be here. Top industry in TX: T-shirts bragging about size.
- People may move to Florida to die, but I once made the mistake of visiting Austin in June and thought I was dead and consigned to the fiery depths of hell.
- Prediction: David Garrard of the Jacksonville Jaguars will outperform Tony Romo of the Dallas Cowboys in the playoffs. Romo = Choke-o
More "7 Reasons Florida is Better Than Everywhere" Posts
Jan
3
Because the local news (and some asshat blogger) will publish your name, Joseph Michael Votta, for allegedly stealing a copy of Teenage Brotha Lovers #9 (much better than Teenage Brotha Lovers #8, IMO) from a store in Spring Hill, Florida.
Man, don’t you know, you’re supposed to steal other things, sell them, THEN use THAT money to buy your porn. Much less embarrassing that way, if you get caught.
Good thing shoplifting doesn’t generally result in jail time, or you’d be finding out all about Brotha Lovers.
