Jan
5
Robert at middlezonemusings.com left a comment on my post regarding why Florida is superior to North Carolina, about why Texas is better than both places. I promised myself that Texas would be addressed very quickly, so here it is:
7 Reasons Florida is Better Than Texas
- NASA Headquarters is in Houston, TX. NASA launches rockets at Cape Canaveral, FL. When people go to a shuttle launch, they go to Florida because that is where the action is.
- Illegal immigrants in TX cross the Rio Grande. Illegal immigrants in FL cross the Florida Straits. Florida’s illegals are tougher.
- Floridians do not feel the need to brag about size. After all, we live in the only state in the US shaped like a phallus.
- Texas: Two NFL teams, in Houston and Dallas. Florida: Three NFL teams, if you count the Dolphins (weak, I know).
- Top industry in Florida: Tourism, because everyone wants to be here. Top industry in TX: T-shirts bragging about size.
- People may move to Florida to die, but I once made the mistake of visiting Austin in June and thought I was dead and consigned to the fiery depths of hell.
- Prediction: David Garrard of the Jacksonville Jaguars will outperform Tony Romo of the Dallas Cowboys in the playoffs. Romo = Choke-o
More "7 Reasons Florida is Better Than Everywhere" Posts
Dec
20
Since I seem to be on a pattern of hitting the Southeast lately, and because I last went after North Carolina, South Carolina is our destination for today’s installment. To be perfectly honest, this post was MUCH easier to do than the Georgia, NC, and NH posts.
Without further ado, 7 Reasons Florida is Better Than South Carolina:
- Florida has 2 NFL teams and something that plays in the NFL but otherwise bears no resemblance to an NFL team down in Miami. South Carolina has none, and tries to co-opt North Carolina’s team by claiming it as their own because the team name does not distinguish between the Carolinas. This is weak.
- Daytona > Darlington
- Andy Dick is from South Carolina. The Fruitcake Lady is from Florida. The Fruitcake Lady > Andy Dick.
- Steve Spurrier coached the Florida Gators for 12 seasons and won 6 SEC championships and one national championship and never lost more than 4 games in a season. He won his first SEC championship with the Gators in his second season, and won the divisional title in his 3rd season. In 3 seasons at the University of South Carolina, he won zero SEC championships, and has lost at least 5 games every season.
- South Carolina outlawed Video poker in 2000. Florida raised the betting limits for real poker in Casinos in 2007. Real legal poker > illegal Video poker.
- EPCOT > Pedroland (South of the Border)
- “Don’t tase me bro!” > “I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because, uh, some, uh, people out there in our nation don’t have maps and, uh, I believe that our, uh, education like such as, uh, South Africa and, uh, the Iraq, everywhere like such as, and, I believe that they should, uh, our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S., uh, or, uh, should help South Africa and should help the Iraq and the Asian countries…”
Update: Be sure to see the response from Jenn, a misguided South Carolinian.
More "7 Reasons Florida is Better Than Everywhere" Posts
- 7 Reasons Florida is Better Than New Hampshire
- 7 Reasons Florida is Better Than Georgia
- 7 Reasons Florida is Better Than North Carolina
- 7 Reasons Florida is Better Than South Carolina
- 7 Reasons Florida is Better Than Texas
Dec
7
Florida Memorabilia
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Florida memorabilia and collectibles are hot right now.
Dec
4
Man, this might be tough because I really like NC and have gone there on vacation my whole life.
But, I also love a challenge, especially when I get to show why Florida is the Alpha-State and every other state is our bitch.
Without further ado, 7 Reasons Florida is Better Than North Carolina
- North Carolina shares the Great Smoky Mountain National Forest with Tennesse. Florida has the Everglades all to itself.
- The major agricultural crop in Florida is Citrus. In NC, it’s tobacco.
- Florida was the third state to secede from the Union; NC was last. NC is indecisive.
- St. Augustine was established in 1565 and exists today. The lost colony at Roanoke Island was wiped from existence.
- Major League baseball teams in Florida: 2. Major League baseball teams in NC: 0
- Floridians dining in restaurants get to taste their food; North Carolinians dining in restaurants get to taste ciggies.
- Man first took to the air at Kill Devil Hills. Man first took to outer space at Cape Canaveral.
Ahem. Talk amongst yourselves.
More "7 Reasons Florida is Better Than Everywhere" Posts
- 7 Reasons Florida is Better Than New Hampshire
- 7 Reasons Florida is Better Than Georgia
- 7 Reasons Florida is Better Than North Carolina
- 7 Reasons Florida is Better Than South Carolina
- 7 Reasons Florida is Better Than Texas
Nov
19
Vacation rental homes in Florida (and other places too!): Easy money
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I have written before about my parents’ having a vacation home in North Carolina. They’re at a point in their lives where they are trying to decide if they are going to keep it or sell it due to retirement and health problems - they just can’t get away as much as they hoped.
I say, why not do both? Keep it AND sell it - or, rent it for a bit, that is. Did you know that you can list your vacation rental and reach 25 million travelers? They bought their North Carolina mountain vacation home many years ago and are fortunate enough to have a mortgage payment of $400, give or take. Do you realize what 2 bedroom mountain vacation rental cabins go for?
About $2,400 per month.
They’re leaving a lot of money on the table, aren’t they? When you advertise your vacation home rental, you get access to a worldwide market, the same way a hotel would. You can list on 4 vacation rental websites for one price and centrally manage your inquiries and listing,
ensuring you reach the maximum audience with your vacation home.
The Florida vacation rental market is especially attractive thanks to the abundance of attractions in this state. Disney World, Sea World, Universal Studios, and the rest that Orlando has to offer create built-in demand for Orlando and Disney vacation rentals. While the rent you charge as a homeowner will easily cover your mortgage AND provide a generous profit, in most cases it will be cheaper than hotels for tourists. And with 0% commissions on vacation rentals bookings, you really can’t go wrong.
Maybe you have a beachfront vacation rental property in Destin or Panama City? Perhaps you’re a snowbird with a vacation rental in St. Petersburg or Ft. Lauderdale? You should give it some thought, and if you decide the extra money will come in handy, join the world’s largest vacation rental network with over 100,000 vacation rentals.
Nov
17
So, I had my Georgia post nearly done, so I’m posting it before I post my NC post - sue me!
Anyhoo, the Florida-Georgia rivalry extends well beyond the football field, and despite the classless display by those dastardly Bulldogs in Jacksonville, whupping up on our beloved Gators then rubbing it in their faces like that, it’s pretty well-established that Florida is better than Georgia.
For instance:
- Oranges taste better than peaches.
- Georgia - Six Flags; Florida - Disney, Epcot, Universal, etc.
- Georgia was settled as a penal colony. Therefore, all Georgians are criminals.
- Georgia sucks. How do you think Florida stays attached to the mainland.
- Parts of Florida have been ruled under 7 flags. Parts of Georgia have been ruled under 6 flags. Therefore, Florida is more desirable.
- When you go to flickr.com and type in the search “sexy florida woman” you get this:
- When you go to flickr.com and type in the search “sexy Georgia woman” you get this:
More "7 Reasons Florida is Better Than Everywhere" Posts
Nov
14
Motivational Speaking
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My parents have a vacation home in the mountains north of Asheville, NC. If you’ve ever been to Asheville, you know that during the summer Florida license plates outnumber NC license plates. One of the big draws, besides the weather, is the Biltmore Estate. My wife and I always bring a case of Biltmore wine home with us after each visit, and have been through the wine-tasting demonstrations. Biltmore is known for excellence in everything they touch.
Jackie Pelletier, the Wine Training Coordinator at the Biltmore Estate, is a motivational speaker and can bring the same energy and excellence to your organization. Prior to working at Biltmore, she was an educator in the state of Maine for 30 years and brings the lessons learned from her life to her speaking. Some of the most interesting topics I found on her website include:
- NO MISTAKES, ONLY LESSONS
- THIS IS NOT A DRESS REHEARSAL
- SO WHAT’S WRONG WITH MAKING MONEY?
Man, I know a couple holier-than-thou bloggers that could stand to listen to that last one.
Jackie delivers corporate presentations, keynote addresses, and motivational speeches for large and small, profit and non-profit organizations. Her booking and contact information is available, she also has a blog where you can get insight into how she prepares for her speeches.
So, now I’ve gone and made myself want to go back to Asheville. Oh don’t worry, Florida is better than NC and I’ll have to make that my next “7 Reasons Florida is Better Than…” post. But we all have to take a vacation occasionally.
Nov
13
Want to learn more about Orlando?
Filed Under Interesting, Orlando | 1 Comment
If you’re coming to Florida on vacation, you’re most likely going to wind up in Orlando at some point. Such is the draw of the Mouse.
If so, you may want to check out some of the hotel guides and the Orlando city guide I’ve linked to. What I like about the guide is that it shows a simple map that gives you a hint that there’s more to Orlando than just Disney World. In fact, they even include Leu Gardens, a favorite of locals, especially guys looking for a beautiful, quiet, romantic place to ask their girlfriend’s an important question.
Not me, of course. The one time I did THAT in Orlando, I was forced to do it in the parking lot of Fashion Square Mall. But, that’s a WHOLE different story.
I also like that this one city guide is actually like a mini-portal to Orlando. There are dozens of hotels linked from the sidebar, along with an events list, online resources, and even blog posts about Orlando. It’s a good way to get a thumbnail sketch for the city and the surrounding area without getting overwhelmed.
Nov
12
Danger in the mist
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I saw a trailer for a new movie coming out that spooked me and took me back to something scary from 20 years ago: The Mist by Stephen King.
The plot is classic Stephen King - something unknown and unseen is scaring the bejeebers out of the townfolks. In this case, it’s creatures hidden in a mist after a terrible storm.
Twenty years ago, my father owned a boat and we’d go fishing off the Homosassa River. Boaters in Florida know that you can see a thunderstorm coming from miles away, and you need to head in to shelter because those suckers can move fast. In this case, it was winter and there was no storm. We were fishing on an overcast day.
An overcast day on the water just looks gray. At some point, we found ourselves enveloped in a foggy mist without realizing it even happened. We were only 10 miles or so from the mouth of the river, but we could see no landmarks, not even the sun. We turned on the Loran and pointed the bow towards a waypoint, but we could literally not see 6 feet away from the boat, In addition, we couldn’t hear anything because of the motor.
Unlike the movie where creatures attack people, we had to look out for inorganic monsters - other boats. We knew there were other boats on the water, and the only way to get back tot he river was a narrow channel cut through very shallow water. We were reasonably confident in the Loran to keep us out of the shoals, but we knew that channel could very well be filled with people like ourselves.
What’s the solution of father’s everywhere in this situation?
Send the oldest out on the bow to watch and listen for danger.
Thanks Dad.
It was a terrifying 2 hour crawl to make it those 10 miles. But, obviously, we did it. Remind me to tell you about the time my brother and I got caught 30 miles out in a thunderstorm with an engine that wouldn’t go above 1200 RPMs.
Nov
12
So, I’m thinking of starting a series of posts about why Florida is the best place in all of America. Today, I’ll start with a plce I know well from having spent a couple of formative years living there, New Hampshire. Without further ado, 7 Reasons Why Florida is Better Than New Hampshire:
- In Florida, if winter falls on a weekend, we have a festival. In NH, if summer falls on a weekend, they have a picnic.
- Floridians can swim comfortably year-round thanks to our swimming pools, beaches, and natural springs.
- If you don’t like the weather in Florida, wait 15 minutes and it will change. If you don’t like the weather in NH, wait 15 days.
- It is sufficient to say something is “Awesome” in Florida. We do not require “Wicked” to describe how awesome something is.
- Floridians don’t have to buy their booze from the state.
- Floridians have Key West (and Miami, and Ft. Lauderdale, and Palm Beach, and Clearwater, and Tampa, and St. Petersburg, and Jacksonville, and you get the picture). NH has Mt. Washington, home to the worst weather in the continental US.
- Today’s temperature in Jacksonville, FL: 74 degrees. Today’s temperature in Derry, NH: 45 degrees.
More "7 Reasons Florida is Better Than Everywhere" Posts
- 7 Reasons Florida is Better Than New Hampshire
- 7 Reasons Florida is Better Than Georgia
- 7 Reasons Florida is Better Than North Carolina
- 7 Reasons Florida is Better Than South Carolina
- 7 Reasons Florida is Better Than Texas
