Mar
6
Leaving Florida
Filed Under Florida is Great | 2 Comments
In less than 24 hours I will be leaving FLA for the arctic north that is Huntsville, AL.
Everything north of the Florida state line is “up north” to me.
So, I’ll be missing and not missing a bunch of things. Of course, friends and family top that list, Florida bloggers included. The coolest thing is meeting truly talented people with a lot of the same interests, like sweet asses and nice racks.
Anyway, here’s a list of some other things I’m going to miss about Florida:
- Disney and the Orlando theme parks are a $300 day trip rather than a $2,000 vacation.
- Watching the sun set over the Gulf of Mexico from Pine Island.
- The coolest town on the east coast, St. Augustine.
- The coolest island in Florida, Amelia Island.
Here’s a list of things I won’t miss:
- South Florida. Really people, y’all should quit calling yourselves Floridians. ‘cept for Key West, the awesomest place I’ve ever been. You guys are ok.
- Planning and zoning commissions more interested in maximizing property tax revenues today rather than smart planning for things like water, roads, and schools.
- A governor with orange skin. WTF?
- All of the canadians down for winter vacations. Effin’ canadians. They’ll drive 2000 miles just to get a decent steak.
So yeah, I’ve got mixed feelings.
Mar
1
Visiting Florida?
Filed Under Uncategorized | Leave a Comment
Here’s a list of posts I’ve written about theme parks, events, and places to visit while you are on vacation in Florida:
Jules Undersea Lodge, Key Largo
Rogers’ Christmas House, Brooksville
Discounts for Orlando Attractions and Hotels
Amelia Island Bed & Breakfast Specials
First Friday Artwalk in St. Augustine
Save Money on Your Orlando Vacation
Orlando Hotel Guide & City Guide
Uptown Saturday Night in St. Augustine
The Best Place to Buy Vera Bradley Purses in Florida
Save Money on Disney Souvenirs
Alternatives to Hotels for Orlando Vacations
The Pirate Dinner Show in Orlando
Scratch Ankle Festival, Milton, FL
Now, Every Day is Gay-Day at Disney World
Dec
18
Hacking at Disney World
Filed Under Theme Parks | 2 Comments
I took the family to the petri dish that is Dismal Disney World last Friday. The thing that stood out on this visit was how many people were sick, and how many of these sick people did not cover up when they sneezed or coughed.
I think it was “Canadians-get-in-free” day. Those people are animals. Remember SARS?
Seriously though, there is no excuse for that. I’m no germ-o-phobe, but it was really out of hand. One guy literally sneezed in my face as I was walking past. Standing in a short line for a ride, another woman hacked up a lung right next to my kids. This wasn’t a surprise cough or anything, where she couldn’t get her arm up in time. It built. She knew it was coming.
The topper of the night was when I was in the restroom. It was late in the evening, just me, the janitor, and one other dude, taking a leak. No, this isn’t the start of a gay penthouse forum story. I’m just making the point that it was not busy. I finished my business, stepped to the sink and washed up. The other guy looked at the sink and I could see him make the decision, “Nah, I think I’ll skip washing this time”.
What the hell? I mean, it wasn’t like he just pissed and walked out. He stopped and THOUGHT ABOUT IT and walked out without washing.
Later today, or maybe tomorrow, I’ll have a bit more along the lines of a “Disney/Orlando tips” post, if I haven’t turned you off from going yet. But the first tip is: Bring anti-bacterial soap. And a surgical mask.
Dec
12
Navel-gazing and thinking about Hannah Montana
Filed Under Humor | 3 Comments
I admitted a few weeks ago that I like Hannah Montana.
Florida Sun Dog-say-what?
Perhaps I should clarify: I like the Hannah Montana TV show. You pervs can just get your sick minds out of the gutter.
So, I was watching the latest episode of Hannah over the weekend with some great guest performances turned in by Vicki Lawrence and Dolly Parton. Ok, Vicki did a great job. They really seemed to limit Dolly’s over-the-top antics since this is a kid’s show (ahem) and all. Can’t really make a bunch of overt boob jokes on Disney, you know?
But, I have to say that Dolly still looks great. Not just for her age - for any age. Now that she’s admitted to getting to a certain age, I guess I’d have to describe her as a GILF. Sweet Niblets…
Man, this show has been getting some great guest stars lately. In addition to Dolly and Vicki, Brooke Shields, Heather Locklear, and The Rock have all guest appeared.
Anyway, a few questions crossed my mind while watching this episode:
1. How long before Jackson and Lilly hook up?
2. Why do Rico and Oliver have the exact same hair?
3. Why does Billy Ray try to make himself look like Keith Urban?
4. How long before Miley realizes the Hannah-hair looks better than the natural stuff?
5. Is it just me, or is that kid playing Jackson the most talented performer on the show?
6. Where the hell did Roxy go? Roxy like a puma…
Man, I really need to get a life…
More "Hannah Montana" Posts
- The Best of Both Worlds: A father’s admission about Hannah Montana
- Navel-gazing and thinking about Hannah Montana
Dec
7
Florida Memorabilia
Filed Under Uncategorized | Leave a Comment
Florida memorabilia and collectibles are hot right now.
Nov
28
Mark of the Mark, Gennie, & Dahmer (MGD) morning show at Rock 104.5 in Jacksonville made a startling admission on Monday’s show, a dark secret shared by the fathers of daughters across the country: He likes watching Hannah Montana.
Of course, Mark’s son is only 3 1/2 years old and has no interest in Hannah Montana. Perv.
As the father of two little princesses, I am intimately familiar with all things Hannah… perhaps I should phrase that differently. As a responsible parent of two young ladies, I monitor their television viewing habits by watching their shows with them.
That’s better.
Anyway, I tell my wife regularly that I think l’il Miley Cyrus is one heckuva good comedic actress. In fact, she’s a way better actress than she is singer. The Disney machine tries to do too much with her voice, in my opinion, making it something it really isn’t. But this girl can act!
So, it was with the sort of relief a closet alcoholic feels when their secret is discovered that I listened to Mark’s admission: Shame, mixed with the hope that someone out there understands - it’s the talent, dammit, the talent!
Of course, then MGD put together their tribute song to Hannah Montana (NSFW)**, and I stopped feeling like I’d bonded with Mark and started reviewing the FDLE sexual predator database.
**Song removed from their website for whatever reason - copyright? trademark? good taste?
More "Hannah Montana" Posts
- The Best of Both Worlds: A father’s admission about Hannah Montana
- Navel-gazing and thinking about Hannah Montana
Nov
22
Vacation Tip: Use discount card to save money in Orlando like the locals
Filed Under Florida Vacation, Orlando, Theme Parks | 2 Comments
Well, we’re going to Dismal Disney World in mid-December for Mickey’s Very Merry Christmas. We do this trip almost every year - we get there in the afternoon, check in at the hotel, then hit the park at sunset. Rides, parades, hot chocolate, cocoa, then Dad gets a sore back carrying children who have passed out to the parking lot. Most years, I can still walk the next morning, so we like to schedule some other cool activity - another park, shopping at Disney Village, something off Disney property.
Whaaaaa??? There’s more to Orlando than Disney?
Um, yeah!
Having lived in Orlando and worked for both Sea World and Disney World, I learned a few tricks. Yes, having an employee pass is great, except the last place you want to be on your day off is back at the park. With the benefit if time and distance, though, I’ve regained my enthusiasm for the attractions. Locals know all the ins-and-outs of saving money at the parks and attractions. One of those methods is using discount cards. For instance, the Go Orlando Card includes 50 Orlando Attractions, Tours, & Shows for 1 Low Price. You can go to as many Florida attractions as you like, once per day on your card. Depending on how many days your card is valid (1, 2, 3, 5, or 7 days), you may use it on any day, up to the total number of days you have purchased, within a 14-day period.
Even better, though, is that you can get a discount on your discount card: Go Orlando Card - Save 20% Now!
Are these kind of tips a good thing? Let me know in comments, I have more where this came from.
Nov
19
Vacation rental homes in Florida (and other places too!): Easy money
Filed Under Uncategorized | Leave a Comment
I have written before about my parents’ having a vacation home in North Carolina. They’re at a point in their lives where they are trying to decide if they are going to keep it or sell it due to retirement and health problems - they just can’t get away as much as they hoped.
I say, why not do both? Keep it AND sell it - or, rent it for a bit, that is. Did you know that you can list your vacation rental and reach 25 million travelers? They bought their North Carolina mountain vacation home many years ago and are fortunate enough to have a mortgage payment of $400, give or take. Do you realize what 2 bedroom mountain vacation rental cabins go for?
About $2,400 per month.
They’re leaving a lot of money on the table, aren’t they? When you advertise your vacation home rental, you get access to a worldwide market, the same way a hotel would. You can list on 4 vacation rental websites for one price and centrally manage your inquiries and listing,
ensuring you reach the maximum audience with your vacation home.
The Florida vacation rental market is especially attractive thanks to the abundance of attractions in this state. Disney World, Sea World, Universal Studios, and the rest that Orlando has to offer create built-in demand for Orlando and Disney vacation rentals. While the rent you charge as a homeowner will easily cover your mortgage AND provide a generous profit, in most cases it will be cheaper than hotels for tourists. And with 0% commissions on vacation rentals bookings, you really can’t go wrong.
Maybe you have a beachfront vacation rental property in Destin or Panama City? Perhaps you’re a snowbird with a vacation rental in St. Petersburg or Ft. Lauderdale? You should give it some thought, and if you decide the extra money will come in handy, join the world’s largest vacation rental network with over 100,000 vacation rentals.
Nov
17
So, I had my Georgia post nearly done, so I’m posting it before I post my NC post - sue me!
Anyhoo, the Florida-Georgia rivalry extends well beyond the football field, and despite the classless display by those dastardly Bulldogs in Jacksonville, whupping up on our beloved Gators then rubbing it in their faces like that, it’s pretty well-established that Florida is better than Georgia.
For instance:
- Oranges taste better than peaches.
- Georgia - Six Flags; Florida - Disney, Epcot, Universal, etc.
- Georgia was settled as a penal colony. Therefore, all Georgians are criminals.
- Georgia sucks. How do you think Florida stays attached to the mainland.
- Parts of Florida have been ruled under 7 flags. Parts of Georgia have been ruled under 6 flags. Therefore, Florida is more desirable.
- When you go to flickr.com and type in the search “sexy florida woman” you get this:
- When you go to flickr.com and type in the search “sexy Georgia woman” you get this:
More "7 Reasons Florida is Better Than Everywhere" Posts
Nov
13
Want to learn more about Orlando?
Filed Under Interesting, Orlando | 1 Comment
If you’re coming to Florida on vacation, you’re most likely going to wind up in Orlando at some point. Such is the draw of the Mouse.
If so, you may want to check out some of the hotel guides and the Orlando city guide I’ve linked to. What I like about the guide is that it shows a simple map that gives you a hint that there’s more to Orlando than just Disney World. In fact, they even include Leu Gardens, a favorite of locals, especially guys looking for a beautiful, quiet, romantic place to ask their girlfriend’s an important question.
Not me, of course. The one time I did THAT in Orlando, I was forced to do it in the parking lot of Fashion Square Mall. But, that’s a WHOLE different story.
I also like that this one city guide is actually like a mini-portal to Orlando. There are dozens of hotels linked from the sidebar, along with an events list, online resources, and even blog posts about Orlando. It’s a good way to get a thumbnail sketch for the city and the surrounding area without getting overwhelmed.
