Feb
26
There’s no better way to get back in the Florida-flow than to find a really good “Only in FLA” story. From Hernando County, home of the Fightin’ Leopards and the place I will always consider home, comes one of the more stupid arrest stories since the guy that got arrested for stealing oranges from his neighbor’s yard.
Jan
3
Because the local news (and some asshat blogger) will publish your name, Joseph Michael Votta, for allegedly stealing a copy of Teenage Brotha Lovers #9 (much better than Teenage Brotha Lovers #8, IMO) from a store in Spring Hill, Florida.
Man, don’t you know, you’re supposed to steal other things, sell them, THEN use THAT money to buy your porn. Much less embarrassing that way, if you get caught.
Good thing shoplifting doesn’t generally result in jail time, or you’d be finding out all about Brotha Lovers.
Dec
28
Only in FLA: Baby Jesus loves GPS
Filed Under Only in FLA | 2 Comments
First we had the crazy old lady filing charges against her tangerine-stealing neighbor. Now, GPS equipped baby Jesus foils thief
Dec
21
Coming Soon: American Idol - The MILF Edition (or, “Is Jessica Sierra pregnant?”)
Filed Under Florida Crime | 3 Comments
Man, I’ve got to be careful how I word these things. But, local news websites, Fox News, and TMZ are all reporting that sweet l’il Jessica is on a pregnancy diet between bars. Daddy is supposed to be a rapper.
I half expected it to be a cop. But, I guess you can’t get preggers from oral sex, despite what I might be telling my own girls in a couple years.
(Be sure to look for my upcoming book, “Sex Misinformation: How to Scare and Guilt Your Children Into Chastity”. Y’all.)
So, let’s see what this little one gets to look forward to in about 10 years when his/her Mom is chain-smoking Marlboros on the porch of her double-wide on Nebraska Avenue, assuming he/she manages to get online at the library or someplace that won’t filter news about his/her Mom:
- Multiple drug and alcohol arrests
- Mom offering to blow a cop to get out of jail
- Mom’s sex tape
- Mom preg-o in jail
Did I miss anything?
Oh yeah, she managed to make it to the American Idol finals. Nice. She peaked at 20 years of age.
More "Hot Women in Jail" Posts
- Oh, this is just too funny: Fallen Idol
- Jessica Sierra offers cop oral sex in exchange for release
- Debra Lafave arrested again; does not offer oral sex to cop in exchange for release
- Did Tampa teacher get sentenced to prison for sex with student because she’s a lesbian?
- That nice girl from American Idol, Jessica Sierra, has a sex tape. Allegedly.
- Coming Soon: American Idol - The MILF Edition (or, “Is Jessica Sierra pregnant?”)
- The Debra Lafave violation report is a punny thing
Dec
6
Did Tampa teacher get sentenced to prison for sex with student because she’s a lesbian?
Filed Under Florida Crime | Leave a Comment
I’m scratching my head over all of this.
Let me start by saying that if you’re a teacher and you have sex with your 14 year old student, you should go to jail, and your time there should be VERY unpleasant.
So, a couple days ago, while Debra Lafave was getting a ton of (unwanted) attention for breaking the terms of her house arrest and probation for having sex with a 14 year old male student, another female Hillsborough County teacher was sentenced to 3 years in prison for having sex with a 14 year old female student.
Huh?
Let’s face it, everyone was saying at the time that if any male teacher did what Debra Lafave did, he’d be in prison. Now Jaymee Wallace gets arrested for the same crime, with her now 20 year old victim asking for leniency on her behalf, and she goes to prison.
And Debra Lafave walked free? Is it because she’s attractive? Is it because her victim was male? Is it because she supposedly has manic-depressive disorder? Would this make a difference if a male teacher had sex with a female student?
I’ll go out on a limb and say no to that last question. He’d be in jail.
You can read the original report from when Jaymee Wallace was arrested at Smoking Gun. If the report is accurate, and apparently the court and Jaymee Wallace say it is, she deserves jail. Man, there was a lot of lesbian sex going on at Wharton High School.
They didn’t do that back when I went to school.
Um, yeah…
More "Hot Women in Jail" Posts
- Oh, this is just too funny: Fallen Idol
- Jessica Sierra offers cop oral sex in exchange for release
- Debra Lafave arrested again; does not offer oral sex to cop in exchange for release
- Did Tampa teacher get sentenced to prison for sex with student because she’s a lesbian?
- That nice girl from American Idol, Jessica Sierra, has a sex tape. Allegedly.
- Coming Soon: American Idol - The MILF Edition (or, “Is Jessica Sierra pregnant?”)
- The Debra Lafave violation report is a punny thing
Dec
4
Debra Lafave arrested again; does not offer oral sex to cop in exchange for release
Filed Under Florida Crime | 15 Comments
Word is that Debra Lafave was arrested again. If you don’t recall, she was the teacher in Tampa that had an ongoing sexual relationship with a 14 yr old student.
One time, in an SUV that his 15 yr old cousin drove.
So, she received house arrest and probation, no more teaching, no more contact with anyone under 18. Hey, if it was guy having sex with a 14 yr old girl rather than an insanely (literally) hot young blond woman, he’d have done a little time in a cell with a guy that dressed him up like a kewpie doll.
But whatever. Double-standards abound for a reason, I suppose.
So, she gets arrested again. Oh my! What did she do? Fondle a football player? Kick-it with a cross-country runner? I know, she was digging on a dodgeballer, right?
Nope. She talked to a 17 yr old female coworker about sex.
If that’s an arrestable offense and I’m her, I cut my tongue out. How is anyone supposed to go through life without talking to a coworker?
Of course, I suppose one could argue that she shouldn’t have taken a job where minors might also be employed. I’m just saying.
Update:
Debra Lafave’s probation officer’s case notes can be downloaded here. One excerpt makes me wonder:
What’s redacted? The only time I would expect to see a redaction would be in cases where a minor would be identified, or a privacy issue related to a medical condition.
Hmmmm…
More "Hot Women in Jail" Posts
- Oh, this is just too funny: Fallen Idol
- Jessica Sierra offers cop oral sex in exchange for release
- Debra Lafave arrested again; does not offer oral sex to cop in exchange for release
- Did Tampa teacher get sentenced to prison for sex with student because she’s a lesbian?
- That nice girl from American Idol, Jessica Sierra, has a sex tape. Allegedly.
- Coming Soon: American Idol - The MILF Edition (or, “Is Jessica Sierra pregnant?”)
- The Debra Lafave violation report is a punny thing
Nov
29
Only in FLA: Was it his breath?
Filed Under Only in FLA | 1 Comment
So, I guess she isn’t going to be giving him the “it’s not you, it’s me” line? After all, if his kisses are so unwelcome, she bit part of his tongue off.
Good thing he wasn’t trying to force her to have oral sex, or I’d have to be hunting for pictures of Tobias Beecher.
Nov
27
New gear for Christmas
Filed Under Interesting | Leave a Comment
So, I talk about crime in Florida pretty regularly. Hard not to, what with drunken parents passing out in the car with kids in the backseat, or politicians being arrested for soliciting male prostitutes and what not. Florida’s got its own vibe when it comes to crime.
So, what do you get for that hard-working police officer, or cop-wannabee in the family? Head over to 511 tactical and see what they have. I see all kinds of cool stuff, especially the tactical pants. I like a lot of utility pockets, and being the fat guy that I am, I need pants that can take a beating.
Honey? You reading? I checked, and they do have the pants in fat-man sizes, too.
Nov
21
Only in FLA: Superman robs 7-11
Filed Under Florida Crime, Only in FLA, Orlando | Leave a Comment
My guess is these two will be the Belles of the Ball at the 33rd Street lock-up:
Two men wearing Superman pajamas were taken into custody today after they robbed three 7-Eleven convenience stores at gunpoint, according to police.
Here’s where they went wrong:
An officer said he noticed the pajama-wearing men robbing the 7-Eleven store in MetroWest and waited in the parking lot.
See guys, you thought the jammies would a great distraction, huh? That the jammies would be the onliest thing people would remember? You forgot about how you would sorta stand out, didn’t you?
Hat tip to tampabays10.com
Nov
14
Only in FLA: Man trying to escape from police, eaten by alligator
Filed Under Only in FLA | 2 Comments
It’s all over the news in Florida today: A guy was breaking into cars at the Miccosukee Resort and Convention Center and was chased by tribal police.
Let me stop for a moment and just say that down here, we assume every body of water has an alligator. It’s safer that way. Those suckers turn up in every place imaginable.
So this guy is running from the police and jumps into a lake and a 9-foot alligator swims alongside and grabs his head. Divers found the torso two days later at the bottom of the lake. Of course, Florida law requires that the alligator be destroyed because the assumption is that once they’ve tasted human flesh they’ll keep seeing humans as prey.
They ought to be giving that gator a medal.
