Only in FLA: Man arrested for stealing empty beer cans
There’s no better way to get back in the Florida-flow than to find a really good “Only in FLA” story. From Hernando County, home of the Fightin’ Leopards and the place I will always consider home, comes one of the more stupid arrest stories since the guy that got arrested for stealing oranges from his neighbor’s yard.
Only in FLA: 30-Day Sex Challenge
I really need to get back to church.
Relevant Church in Ybor City has issued a challenge: Married couples should have sex for the next 30 days, singles should practice abstinence for 30 days.
The purpose is to bring intimacy back to couples.
Sounds good to me – honey?
Check it out at http://www.30daysexchallenge.com.
Something tells me the pews will be full this Sunday.
Only in FLA: DCF spokesman arrested for using a child in a sexual performance
I remember this guy when he was a reporter for Bay News 9 in Tampa. I remember being quite unimpressed with him.
I know everyone is shocked – the DCF spokesman charged with child sex abuse. The agency admitting that there are documents missing from his employment file, and their admission they didn’t know he had a criminal record. I’m shocked that they are admitting it – no cover-up going on.’
Unusual in Florida. Usually, the newspapers are the ones telling the agencies they have a problem. It appears law enforcement caught Al and the agency discovered and is admitting to mistakes.
Anyway, if you want to see what a huge douchebag this guy is, you can find his MySpace page here, until MySpace takes it down, of course. He lists his occupation as ‘press secretary’, references the fact that he’s a government employee, and says he’s a swinger.
That’s right. DCF’s spokesman has a public myspace page, with his picture, where he lists that he’s a swinger. He also says he’s a 2007 graduate of Lakeland High School and Syracuse University.
Oh, Bob Butterworth, DCF Secretary, states that their experts are seeing no indicators that he was a child predator. Perhaps they should Google their employees’ names.
Only in FLA: He ordered FRIES!
So, there was this guy last week, goes to a drive-thru at McDonald’s in Jacksonville. Driving away, he checks his order and discovers the crew forgot his two orders of fries.
Obviously, something must be done. After all, we’re talking about two orders of fries, not just one.
And I’ll give you two guys, a friendly piece of advise, ok? Don’t ever go up to the drive-thru, ok? Always walk up to the counter. You know why? Ok, ok, ok, ok. They fuck you at the drive-thru, ok? They fuck you at the drive-thru. They know you gonna be miles away before you find out you got fucked, ok? They know you’re not gonna turn around and go back. So, they don’t care. Who that’s fucked? Oh, Leo Getz. Ok, sure. I don’t give a fuck.
- Leo Goetz (Joe Pesci), Lethal Weapon
So, what did he do?
Man Drives Into McDonald’s after Order Botched
To be fair, those are some damn good fries.
Only in FLA: Baby Jesus loves GPS
First we had the crazy old lady filing charges against her tangerine-stealing neighbor. Now, GPS equipped baby Jesus foils thief
Only in FLA: Get out of my yard
It’s been a while since I had a “juicy” Only-in-FLA post, and today I have one courtesy of the last county I lived in, Hernando.
Hernando was basically a divided county for about 35 years, with the east side of the county consisting primarily of multi-generational Floridians and the west side consisting of “Yankees”. You didn’t actually have to be from up north to be considered a Yankee. The fact that you lived amongst them on the west side of the county was enough.
When I see stories like this one about a woman filing charges against her neighbor for stealing tangerines, I don’t even have to look to know where it took place.
I’ve had citrus trees. I didn’t mind people taking the fruit, because my trees always produced way more than my family would consume. I preferred people ask before they came in my yard, but in reality it saved me from having to go out there and clean up the dead fruit. Leaving dead fruit on the ground attracts rodents and ants.
My grandfather lived down near Punta Gorda and had about an acre of trees. He had a real problem with people coming in and stealing the fruit. He would actually harvest all the fruit and juice every bit of it. It was extremely rich in Vitamin C, and I used it regularly over the years to fight off colds. But, he never called the police on the trespassers, he’d just go out with his shovel and chase ‘em off.
Old people will kill for good citrus.
Only in Florida: Rhino poop for sale
According to tampabays10.com, there is a conservation group in Yulee with a fairly… unique… fundraiser going on at eBay: Rhino Poop
The International Rhino Federation is running the auction. Prices are up to $400 to $500 per sample, depending on variety.
I have no idea how they authenticate this crap.
Only in FLA: St. Johns, St. Johns
It’s pretty obvious from the content of this blog that I live in Jacksonville. Actually, to be specific, I live just outside of Jax, in St. Johns County near the St. Johns River. The communities in this area of the county have a long history thanks to the proximity to the river. There is Fruit Cove to the north, then Switzerland, then Orangedale. These communities have been around for decades stretching back to the 1800’s, and long-time residents have an appreciation for this history, but mail was always addressed to “Jacksonville, FL” and no one seemed to mind.
Several years ago, business and community leaders grew tired of being known as “Jacksonville” and wanted to carve out an identity, so a poll was taken with five names nominated, including “St. Johns“, and incredibly stupid name due to the fact that we live in St. Johns County. (St. Johns in St. Johns?). Apparently, there were accusations of click-fraud in the poll, and when the dust settled St. Johns won.
Long-time residents refuse to accept the results.
Only in FLA: (Drunken) Parents of the Year
Why we insist on allowing EVERYONE with penis and a uterus to breed is beyond me.
It’s a shame the kids are the ones that have to suffer. I mean, really, what kind of parents get so wasted on a Saturday with their kids that they black out WHILE DRIVING HOME and can’t even remember what day it is?
Seriously, there is a class of stupidity so egregious it ought to be a zero-tolerance category when it comes to keeping custody of your kids.
Only in FLA: Superman robs 7-11
My guess is these two will be the Belles of the Ball at the 33rd Street lock-up:
Two men wearing Superman pajamas were taken into custody today after they robbed three 7-Eleven convenience stores at gunpoint, according to police.
Here’s where they went wrong:
An officer said he noticed the pajama-wearing men robbing the 7-Eleven store in MetroWest and waited in the parking lot.
See guys, you thought the jammies would a great distraction, huh? That the jammies would be the onliest thing people would remember? You forgot about how you would sorta stand out, didn’t you?
Hat tip to tampabays10.com
Florida Sites- An error has occurred; the feed is probably down. Try again later.
-
