Florida beach picture
Pictures like this have me missing Florida…
photo credit: greyhound dad
Leaving Florida
In less than 24 hours I will be leaving FLA for the arctic north that is Huntsville, AL.
Everything north of the Florida state line is “up north” to me.
So, I’ll be missing and not missing a bunch of things. Of course, friends and family top that list, Florida bloggers included. The coolest thing is meeting truly talented people with a lot of the same interests, like sweet asses and nice racks.
Anyway, here’s a list of some other things I’m going to miss about Florida:
- Disney and the Orlando theme parks are a $300 day trip rather than a $2,000 vacation.
- Watching the sun set over the Gulf of Mexico from Pine Island.
- The coolest town on the east coast, St. Augustine.
- The coolest island in Florida, Amelia Island.
Here’s a list of things I won’t miss:
- South Florida. Really people, y’all should quit calling yourselves Floridians. ‘cept for Key West, the awesomest place I’ve ever been. You guys are ok.
- Planning and zoning commissions more interested in maximizing property tax revenues today rather than smart planning for things like water, roads, and schools.
- A governor with orange skin. WTF?
- All of the canadians down for winter vacations. Effin’ canadians. They’ll drive 2000 miles just to get a decent steak.
So yeah, I’ve got mixed feelings.
7 Reasons Florida is Better Than Texas
Robert at middlezonemusings.com left a comment on my post regarding why Florida is superior to North Carolina, about why Texas is better than both places. I promised myself that Texas would be addressed very quickly, so here it is:
7 Reasons Florida is Better Than Texas
- NASA Headquarters is in Houston, TX. NASA launches rockets at Cape Canaveral, FL. When people go to a shuttle launch, they go to Florida because that is where the action is.
- Illegal immigrants in TX cross the Rio Grande. Illegal immigrants in FL cross the Florida Straits. Florida’s illegals are tougher.
- Floridians do not feel the need to brag about size. After all, we live in the only state in the US shaped like a phallus.
- Texas: Two NFL teams, in Houston and Dallas. Florida: Three NFL teams, if you count the Dolphins (weak, I know).
- Top industry in Florida: Tourism, because everyone wants to be here. Top industry in TX: T-shirts bragging about size.
- People may move to Florida to die, but I once made the mistake of visiting Austin in June and thought I was dead and consigned to the fiery depths of hell.
- Prediction: David Garrard of the Jacksonville Jaguars will outperform Tony Romo of the Dallas Cowboys in the playoffs. Romo = Choke-o
More "7 Reasons Florida is Better Than Everywhere" Posts
7 Reasons Florida is Better Than South Carolina
Since I seem to be on a pattern of hitting the Southeast lately, and because I last went after North Carolina, South Carolina is our destination for today’s installment. To be perfectly honest, this post was MUCH easier to do than the Georgia, NC, and NH posts.
Without further ado, 7 Reasons Florida is Better Than South Carolina:
- Florida has 2 NFL teams and something that plays in the NFL but otherwise bears no resemblance to an NFL team down in Miami. South Carolina has none, and tries to co-opt North Carolina’s team by claiming it as their own because the team name does not distinguish between the Carolinas. This is weak.
- Daytona > Darlington
- Andy Dick is from South Carolina. The Fruitcake Lady is from Florida. The Fruitcake Lady > Andy Dick.
- Steve Spurrier coached the Florida Gators for 12 seasons and won 6 SEC championships and one national championship and never lost more than 4 games in a season. He won his first SEC championship with the Gators in his second season, and won the divisional title in his 3rd season. In 3 seasons at the University of South Carolina, he won zero SEC championships, and has lost at least 5 games every season.
- South Carolina outlawed Video poker in 2000. Florida raised the betting limits for real poker in Casinos in 2007. Real legal poker > illegal Video poker.
- EPCOT > Pedroland (South of the Border)
- “Don’t tase me bro!” > “I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because, uh, some, uh, people out there in our nation don’t have maps and, uh, I believe that our, uh, education like such as, uh, South Africa and, uh, the Iraq, everywhere like such as, and, I believe that they should, uh, our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S., uh, or, uh, should help South Africa and should help the Iraq and the Asian countries…”
Update: Be sure to see the response from Jenn, a misguided South Carolinian.
More "7 Reasons Florida is Better Than Everywhere" Posts
- 7 Reasons Florida is Better Than New Hampshire
- 7 Reasons Florida is Better Than Georgia
- 7 Reasons Florida is Better Than North Carolina
- 7 Reasons Florida is Better Than South Carolina
- 7 Reasons Florida is Better Than Texas
Dunedin “Most Walkable”
Dunedin has been named the Most Walkable City in America amongst small towns. RunThePlanet.com surveyed visitors to towns all over the country in determining the rankings.
W00t for Dunedin!
7 Reasons Florida is Better Than North Carolina
Man, this might be tough because I really like NC and have gone there on vacation my whole life.
But, I also love a challenge, especially when I get to show why Florida is the Alpha-State and every other state is our bitch.
Without further ado, 7 Reasons Florida is Better Than North Carolina
- North Carolina shares the Great Smoky Mountain National Forest with Tennesse. Florida has the Everglades all to itself.
- The major agricultural crop in Florida is Citrus. In NC, it’s tobacco.
- Florida was the third state to secede from the Union; NC was last. NC is indecisive.
- St. Augustine was established in 1565 and exists today. The lost colony at Roanoke Island was wiped from existence.
- Major League baseball teams in Florida: 2. Major League baseball teams in NC: 0
- Floridians dining in restaurants get to taste their food; North Carolinians dining in restaurants get to taste ciggies.
- Man first took to the air at Kill Devil Hills. Man first took to outer space at Cape Canaveral.
Ahem. Talk amongst yourselves.
More "7 Reasons Florida is Better Than Everywhere" Posts
- 7 Reasons Florida is Better Than New Hampshire
- 7 Reasons Florida is Better Than Georgia
- 7 Reasons Florida is Better Than North Carolina
- 7 Reasons Florida is Better Than South Carolina
- 7 Reasons Florida is Better Than Texas
7 Reasons Florida is Better Than Georgia
So, I had my Georgia post nearly done, so I’m posting it before I post my NC post – sue me!
Anyhoo, the Florida-Georgia rivalry extends well beyond the football field, and despite the classless display by those dastardly Bulldogs in Jacksonville, whupping up on our beloved Gators then rubbing it in their faces like that, it’s pretty well-established that Florida is better than Georgia.
For instance:
- Oranges taste better than peaches.
- Georgia – Six Flags; Florida – Disney, Epcot, Universal, etc.
- Georgia was settled as a penal colony. Therefore, all Georgians are criminals.
- Georgia sucks. How do you think Florida stays attached to the mainland.
- Parts of Florida have been ruled under 7 flags. Parts of Georgia have been ruled under 6 flags. Therefore, Florida is more desirable.
- When you go to flickr.com and type in the search “sexy florida woman” you get this:
- When you go to flickr.com and type in the search “sexy Georgia woman” you get this:
More "7 Reasons Florida is Better Than Everywhere" Posts
7 Reasons Florida is Better Than New Hampshire
So, I’m thinking of starting a series of posts about why Florida is the best place in all of America. Today, I’ll start with a plce I know well from having spent a couple of formative years living there, New Hampshire. Without further ado, 7 Reasons Why Florida is Better Than New Hampshire:
- In Florida, if winter falls on a weekend, we have a festival. In NH, if summer falls on a weekend, they have a picnic.
- Floridians can swim comfortably year-round thanks to our swimming pools, beaches, and natural springs.
- If you don’t like the weather in Florida, wait 15 minutes and it will change. If you don’t like the weather in NH, wait 15 days.
- It is sufficient to say something is “Awesome” in Florida. We do not require “Wicked” to describe how awesome something is.
- Floridians don’t have to buy their booze from the state.
- Floridians have Key West (and Miami, and Ft. Lauderdale, and Palm Beach, and Clearwater, and Tampa, and St. Petersburg, and Jacksonville, and you get the picture). NH has Mt. Washington, home to the worst weather in the continental US.
- Today’s temperature in Jacksonville, FL: 74 degrees. Today’s temperature in Derry, NH: 45 degrees.
More "7 Reasons Florida is Better Than Everywhere" Posts
- 7 Reasons Florida is Better Than New Hampshire
- 7 Reasons Florida is Better Than Georgia
- 7 Reasons Florida is Better Than North Carolina
- 7 Reasons Florida is Better Than South Carolina
- 7 Reasons Florida is Better Than Texas
Florida Sites- An error has occurred; the feed is probably down. Try again later.
-
