Feb
26
There’s no better way to get back in the Florida-flow than to find a really good “Only in FLA” story. From Hernando County, home of the Fightin’ Leopards and the place I will always consider home, comes one of the more stupid arrest stories since the guy that got arrested for stealing oranges from his neighbor’s yard.
Feb
26
Ok, someone left a comment on the Cooter post aboout not knowing that turtles were called “Cooters”.
Obviously, some people live under rocks.
You’ve never heard of the Cooter Festival in Inverness, FL? You’ve never watched The Daily Show?
Really people, get your heads out of the sand.
Feb
25
I have to follow up to a post from earlier in the month that had a video of Sarah Silverman and Matt Damon, appropriately titled “I’m fucking Matt Damon“.
Jimmy responded by saying “When you take something I love, I take something you love”.
Jimmy went the risky route in his response. This had the potential to be a total dud, and looked like that might be the case when Brad Pitt showed up dressed as a Fedex deliveryman. But, he brings it home with a “We are the world” moment with Robin Williams, Don Cheadle, Cameron Diaz (making that totally hot fucking motion by making a circle with her fingers and poking her index finger through it… yum), Huey Lewis, JOSH GROBAN of all people, Harrison ford, and bunch of other people that I’m sure are famous but I didn’t recognize them.
Awesomeness: “I’m fucking Ben Affleck”
Feb
22
Ch- Ch- Ch- Changes
Filed Under Administration | 4 Comments
So, here’s the thing: Look at the header. It’s changed.
Yep.
We’re moving. Out of Florida.
(Say it ain’t so!!!)
Not too many people know this, but I used to be a very good market researcher in the aerospace & defense electronics industry, made a really nice salary, worked from home, and didn’t realize that I was providing my services cheaper than the company could get a consultant for, despite earning a really nice up-north-big-city salary while I lived in a small Florida town with a microscopic mortgage.
So, when I completed the heavy lifting and had the job cruising along smoothly in maintenance mode, I was cut loose along with a bunch of other folks that represented 20% of the SG&A budget of an $8B company. Three weeks after the results of a 3-month project I spearheaded to develop an electronics industry market model was presented to the board of directors of the company. So, someone thought my work had value, although it would not surprise me to find that the people using the data did not know that the person that gave them the data did not develop the data models themselves.
Ahem.
I heard I was replaced by an MBA over 10 years younger at half the salary. Nothing I could do about it, I was too young to claim age discrimination, and even if I could, the company and my management were all in Canada.
Effin’ Canadians. There is neither good steak nor any parking in the whole country, so don’t bother going there, m’kay?
In short order I received a call from a major competitor located 50 miles from my front door. “We want to hire you, but we need you to do a project for us so we can see what we’re getting.”
No problem, coming right up!
You know where this is going, don’t you?
Yeah, I took it in the keister. Turned in the project, the job magically got put on hold, and I got screwed.
So, I spent a bunch of time out of work. I had a few interviews, but couldn’t nail ‘em. I begged, borrowed, and even played poker at gulp-stakes to pay the bills. Eventually, I wound up selling cell phones at Radio Shack in St. Augustine for $9.10/hr plus commissions. Yes, it sucks as bad as you imagine but I got tired of my kids coming home from school and seeing me hitting ‘refresh’ on Monster.com, still in my pajamas.
“It’s awfully important to win with humility. It’s also important to lose. I hate to lose worse than anyone, but if you never lose you won’t know how to act. If you lose with humility, then you can come back.” — Paul “Bear” Bryant
Then I landed a slightly-less soul-crushing job as an inventory specialist for a small manufacturing company. I’d also spent half my career in analyst and management roles doing materials management, so it was right up my alley. Then I spent 8 months sitting around staring at the walls while the company went through a dry period without new business coming in. I still had a paycheck, but it wasn’t much of a job. And that paycheck was incredibly small, not much better than Radio Shack.
I’m proud to say that even though I owe so much I’ll be lucky to pay off the bills by the time I retire, we never missed a payment. Not once. It’s been a tough, tough ride and it’s long from over and we still might fail in the end. But I’m proud of how I’ve managed this black-hole time of my life. I’ve interviewed with so many people that told me stories of people they know that had been laid off, and those people went bankrupt because they were too proud to take the jobs I took.
Hope I don’t offend anyone out there, but that’s false pride. I took a lot of crap from managers I wouldn’t have hired and customers that would be ashamed of themselves if you showed them a tape of how they behaved a year ago. I never defined myself by my job, but by how I went about my job. I like to think that is possible to retain dignity and professionalism, even if I’m wearing a name tag. When my family’s future and my good name are on the line, there’s no job I’m too good/smart/qualified/underpaid to take. I have way more respect for the kid working his way through school at Radio Shack than I do the guy that screws over Amex for $1500 because he can’t bring himself to take a job that requires him to fill out an application.
“Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome.” — Booker T. Washington
Anyway, around Christmas, I received an e-mail through my network letting me know there might be a job for me if I was willing to relocate. Former managers of mine, including one that was a friend of the family for many years. Three months later, I have another new job, this time incredibly challenging and one I’ve only done tangentially in the past, but the pay still only gets me about halfway back to where I was. But, it’s enough to make the move.
No, I’m not putting company names on the intarwebs, but I will say that in two weeks I will be a resident of Huntsville, AL. Hopefully in some kind of short-term corporate apartment while my kids finish school in Florida. Yeah, THAT’S going to suck.
As for this website, I’m planning to stick around for a while. I’m still a Floridian, and love Florida for all it’s quirks and blemishes. I love what I do here, the site is getting better every day, and the results are showing in the stats. If I get the sense that I’m falling out of touch with the uniqueness of Florida, I may change things up here. But, not right now.
So, I’m terribly excited and incredibly sad at the same time. I’m hoping that this move will allow me to continue the rebuilding process in my career, and lead me back to bigger and better things. I fully expect to be back in Florida eventually, and will enjoy being a tourist on my visits “home”.
“I was born in Alabama, but I only lived there for a month before I’d done everything there was to do.” — Paula Poundstone
Feb
20
Floridians like cooters
Filed Under Humor | 5 Comments
It’s always exciting to catch a cooter on film. Those suckers can sometimes be tough to coax out into the open, but when one shows itself you can’t help but look.
Let me tell you, I’ve seen some nice-looking cooters in my time, and this one ranks right up there with the best. Plus, it stays in motion and we all know those are the best cooters of all.
Feb
19
Only in FLA: 30-Day Sex Challenge
Filed Under Only in FLA | Leave a Comment
I really need to get back to church.
Relevant Church in Ybor City has issued a challenge: Married couples should have sex for the next 30 days, singles should practice abstinence for 30 days.
The purpose is to bring intimacy back to couples.
Sounds good to me - honey?
Check it out at http://www.30daysexchallenge.com.
Something tells me the pews will be full this Sunday.
Feb
19
Uh-oh…
Filed Under Humor | 3 Comments
Feb
18
No really, President’s Day is a real Holiday?
Filed Under Personal | 6 Comments
The kids are in the final day of a 4-day holiday weekend, which sucks when you’re poor and can’t take them to do anything. Although, I did manage to come up with $20 to take the little one to Ollie Koala’s (like Chuckie Cheese, only better) yesterday while her sister was at a birthday party at a roller rink.
Do you have any idea how long $20 lasts in a place like Ollie Koala’s with just one kid? A long damn time, let me tell you.
So, the banks and guvmint offices are all closed, which pisses me off because I’m in the habit of hitting the library on Monday evenings to get some writing done for some of my other websites. It’s kind of tough to actually write VALUABLE and MEANINGFUL content with TVs blaring and kids climbing all over. Not like the crap you read here.
So, let’s start a movement, shall we: Abolish Silly Holidays.
- President’s Day
- Columbus Day
That’s all to start with. I mean, where is it written that once a holiday is declared, it has to remain a holiday forever? The time has passed for these two holidays. They’re meaningless. Who sits home and plans their President’s Day gathering? Who goes to church to pray the souls of our dead presidents? And Columbus?? Does anyone still think Columbus was an adventurer who set out to prove the earth was round by finding a western trade route to India, or was he a power-hungry, greedy man who had a contract for 10% of the wealth of anything he found, demanded the title of “Admiral of the Ocean Sea” and a promise to be made governor of any lands he found?
I mean, COME ON!! Abolish Silly Holidays!!!
Feb
17
Big happenings down here in Florida this weekend: The Daytona 500
I don’t watch many races, but I follow Nascar enough to know the drivers. The races I do watch are mainly the super-speedways, but I loves me some Bristol - 1/2 mile oval, super-tight, lots of rubbing. Anything can happen.
Anyway, if you’ve tried to get a hotel room within 75 miles of Daytona, you’re SOL.
That’s Shit-Outta-Luck, to those of you that weren’t brought up right.
Anyway, Dale Earnhardt Jr. lit up the track this week, and he always does well at the super-speedways, so I expect him to be right in there. New car, new crew, it would be a nice way to start out.
Enjoy the races, y’all!
Feb
17
The Orlando Magic’s Dwight Howard put on a show - you gotta love it when a man puts himself out there like Dwight does in this video, then comes up BIG!
