Harden Up!
Just insert “Florida” wherever he says Australia; that’s how I feel some days.
(Warning: Adult language!)
Juno and Pasta
My wife and I enjoyed some adult time last night. First, we went to see Juno last night. Excellent flick, can’t recommend it enough. Great performances from some unlikely sources. The only criticism I have is that they tried to make the soundtrack too-cool.
I also picked up a new euphemism for penis: Pork-Sword
And they say you can’t learn anything from reading this blog.
Then, we were off to Olive Garden, because we don’t get enough faux-italian tasteless plates of food at home. But, the service was ok – we were waited on by little Miss Personality, so that was good. Her bustle hustled, and that’s all you can ask for.
Proud Dad
My 8-year old just won a poetry contest with this poem:
A Dog’s Life
Dear Julie,
I sat alone,
Without a home,
Then you came to me,
I filled with glee.
I came with you,
With a collar of blue.
I loved you,
and as I grew,
We’ve had fun,
playing in the sun,
But now I’m gone,
It’s seemed so long,
up here I feel so sad,
Yet I’m So glad.
That you are now as happy as ever,
so be miserable, NEVER!
Bizarro, Alabama
Jerry: Yeah. Like Bizarro Superman. Superman’s exact opposite, who lives in the backwards bizarro world. Up is down, down is up. He says “Hello” when he leaves, “Good bye” when he arrives.
Elaine: Shouldn’t he say “bad bye”?
Jerry: No, it’s still goodbye.
Elaine: Does he live underwater?
Jerry: No.
Elaine: Is he black?
Jerry: Look, just forget the whole thing, all right.
Had to take a short-notice trip to Huntsville Friday a.m., got back a couple hours ago.
Interviewed with someone whose first words out his mouth were, “This place is so fucked up”, and his boss who told me, “I’m utterly ruthless… I take no prisoners… I’m horrible to work for”
Bizarre. And that ain’t the least of it, and I’m partially to blame for the bizarre-ness as well.
Sigh.
Back to normal programming tomorrow.
Rudy, you sly, sly dog!
Rudy Giuliani is all over Florida. See him there! What about there! Hey, hey, I got him, he’s over here!
He’s getting a lot of flack over his perceived exploitation of 9/11, but never let it be said his campaign lacks for creative thinking in working ways to remind us:
Rudy Giuliani’s Subliminal Endorsement
Ahem.
Coach Urban Meyer: Dumb mistake, or something more?
Most people know I’m a Gator fan. I don’t pretend anything else.
Now, we’re hearing reports that Urban Meyer contacted the girlfriend of a recruit, who is also a gymnast and probably a legitimate scholarship athlete herself, supposedly to recruit her with the idea that she and the football recruit would probably accept scholarships together.
Maybe not such a big deal?
Think again.
Here’s why it IS a big deal: The NCAA has rules in place to prevent coaches from recruiting for other sports to prevent undeserving athletes from receiving scholarships as part of a “package” to get the more-desired athlete signed. Suppose this gymnast was not a legitimate Division 1 athlete? Suppose she’s Division II at best? Now, Florida would be providing extra inducements to get the football recruit, a big no-no.
Personally, I think this is an innocent case; it appears the gymnast is a legitimate Division I athlete, and would have received a scholarship offer from a number of schools. In fact, she was apparently competing for UCLA in 2006, prior to transferring to a junior college. So, I think it’s probably a case of no-harm, no-foul.
BUT, if it’s true, it’s a violation, and it gives the perception of a program tip-toeing the ethical line. Given that there are so many more ways to accomplish the same goal – getting both athletes to UF – this is a pretty dumb mistake.
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Nursing home abuse in Deland? He had MAGGOTS IN HIS EYES!
At first, I was tempted to make this an “Only in FLA” post, but those have tended to take on a humorous, can-you-believe-this-shit tone lately.
Nothing humorous about this story, reported by the Orlando Sentinel, of a nursing home patient found with an infected breathing tube and MAGGOTS IN HIS EYES!
I’ve spent (not enough) time visiting grandparents in nursing homes, and expect to be visiting parents and aunts and uncles in the coming years. I’ve seen good care and bad. There are probably a couple ways this might have happened, but I can tell you, a nursing home has to TRY to be this negligent. People are in and out of those rooms all the time, cleaning the patients, the sheets, the laundry.
And really, at the end of the day, it comes down to people. People can whine all they want about budgets and for-profit nursing homes and lack of resources… but this man had MAGGOTS IN HIS EYES!
No excuse.
Differences between men and women
I’m not much for pondering past accomplishments as the list is long and distinguished, much like my johns-…
Sorry. Had a Top Gun moment there. I’ve been distracted by all the craziness that is Tom Cruise the past few days.
Anyway, I was looking into why Pokerstars was all of a sudden sending me free swag, because the last time I played poker on their site was my stellar run deep into the World Poker Blogger Championship of Online Poker, or some such thing. I was trying to find my post where I listed the prizes to see if they matched with the stuff that was being shipped. Along the way, I came across a post from way back that left me chuckling.
Today, I see it as the perfect example of the differences between men and women. Let me set the context.
In March 2006 we had a contract to sell our house and move to Jax. Moving day was 3 weeks away, and I was making dump runs weekly and we were packing every day. We were just about broke thanks to a layoff the previous fall. On my poker blog, I was posting under my screen name from the poker rooms, and Stacey was referred to as “Mrs. Big”. Then, this happened:
Mrs. Big has me scratching my ever-loving-head these days.
She asked me to stop at Sam’s and pick up a Click-n-Pull order today. I get there, and there’s a float stacked high with emergency food: 128 bottles of water, a case of Gatorade, gobs of canned soups, veggies, and Chef Boyardee, 50 lbs of dog food,30 rolls of TP, filter masks, god knows how many maxi-pads… oh, and there was a second order she placed an hour later with hand sanitizer and 6 more gallons of Zephyrhills water because apparently 128 bottles wasn’t enough.
We’re moving in 3 weeks. We’re spending our days weeding out crap, and here she is bringing it back in. I can’t even bring myself to tell you how much this crap cost.
Bird Flu.
Yep, she’s afraid that society is going to break down if there’s bird flu.
Ok, I can understand the canned goods – you don’t want to go to a store if society breaks down. And hey, stranger things have happened that society breaking down in the NEXT 3 WEEKS. But, I’m pretty sure the water will still run. As a matter of fact, I’m sure of it because the house we’re going to in Jax has a WELL!!! And Bird Flu won’t make the power go off!!!
Say what you like about us not stopping for directions, or putting the seat down after we pee, or being selfish lovers – if a man bought all this stuff, in this situation, he’d be put on a militia watch-list.
7 Weird Things About Me
So that @#$%^&!!!! Cheryl tagged me.
To Please the Sponsors – The Rules:
1- Link to the person’s blog who tagged you.
2- Post these rules on your blog.
3- List seven random and/or weird facts about yourself.
4- Tag seven random people at the end of your post and include links to their blogs.
5- Let each person know that they have been tagged by posting on comment on their blog.
7 Weird Things About Me
- I do lots of posts using the number 7.
- My first avatar when I started playing online poker was Buddy Christ.
- Despite priding myself on being a smart gambler who understands odds in games like poker and blackjack and does not play without an edge, I buy lottery tickets almost every week.
- All the downtown ladies call me “Treetop Lover”, and all the men just call me “Sir”.
- I was 36 years old before I ever traveled outside of the USA. I went to Canada a couple of times . I foresee no reason to ever leave the States again.
- The coldest I’ve ever been was a summer baseball game at Wrigley Field.
- My daughters have been playing soccer for two years, and I can’t tell you the score of a single game.
Who shall I tag? Heck, most people I know have already been tagged by other people. Time to get new people. Let’s see… My wife, of course… der, if you want me to tag you, leave me a comment.
I’m so lame.
Only in FLA: He ordered FRIES!
So, there was this guy last week, goes to a drive-thru at McDonald’s in Jacksonville. Driving away, he checks his order and discovers the crew forgot his two orders of fries.
Obviously, something must be done. After all, we’re talking about two orders of fries, not just one.
And I’ll give you two guys, a friendly piece of advise, ok? Don’t ever go up to the drive-thru, ok? Always walk up to the counter. You know why? Ok, ok, ok, ok. They fuck you at the drive-thru, ok? They fuck you at the drive-thru. They know you gonna be miles away before you find out you got fucked, ok? They know you’re not gonna turn around and go back. So, they don’t care. Who that’s fucked? Oh, Leo Getz. Ok, sure. I don’t give a fuck.
- Leo Goetz (Joe Pesci), Lethal Weapon
So, what did he do?
Man Drives Into McDonald’s after Order Botched
To be fair, those are some damn good fries.
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