Man, I’ve got to be careful how I word these things. But, local news websites, Fox News, and TMZ are all reporting that sweet l’il Jessica is on a pregnancy diet between bars. Daddy is supposed to be a rapper.

I half expected it to be a cop. But, I guess you can’t get preggers from oral sex, despite what I might be telling my own girls in a couple years.

(Be sure to look for my upcoming book, “Sex Misinformation: How to Scare and Guilt Your Children Into Chastity”. Y’all.)

So, let’s see what this little one gets to look forward to in about 10 years when his/her Mom is chain-smoking Marlboros on the porch of her double-wide on Nebraska Avenue, assuming he/she manages to get online at the library or someplace that won’t filter news about his/her Mom:

1. Multiple drug and alcohol arrests
2. Mom offering to blow a cop to get out of jail
3. Mom’s sex tape
4. Mom preg-o in jail

Did I miss anything?

Oh yeah, she managed to make it to the American Idol finals. Nice. She peaked at 20 years of age.