Nov
30
The perfect book directory for ME
Filed Under Florida Books | Leave a Comment
Wow, I Stumbled on a great resource website for bibliophiles with a preference for mysteries and thrillers today!
When I first started this site on Blogger, it was actually intended to be a small niche website focused on my love of Florida fiction. So much for plans.
Stop, You’re Killing Me has all kinds of search facilities, but the one I like best is the location search - you can find mysteries and thrillers set in Florida! Cool!
Nov
30
Fab wrote a post about his regrets that brought back memories.
Many moons ago when I was a just an innocent lad, my friends and I decided to go camping in the Keys during Spring Break. Purely for the fishing, of course.
We hooked up a pop-up camper to my pickup, tied a canoe on top of the damper, and headed down the Florida Turnpike looking like the 1989 version of the Beverly Hillbillies. We made it in to Key West each night for a few hours of fellowship with other lonely tourists far from home. While enjoying a cool beverage at the world famous Sloppy Joe’s one evening, there was a stage show involving some nice young single mothers. Unfortunately, the young ladies managed to get their t-shirts wet during their dance performance. Of course, we cheered enthusiastically despite the mistakes, because we make a point of supporting single mothers whenever possible.
Once the nice young ladies came off the stage, one of my traveling companions decided to ask one of the nice young ladies to dance, hoping to cheer her up after error with the wet t-shirts. He did not realize, however, that her paramour was also in attendance, an older gentleman that must have been a salesman for Harley Davidson, given the number of Harley Davidson logos on his clothing. The paramour was a disagreeable sort, not willing to accept that my friend made an understandable error, and he shoved my friend down in the middle of the dance floor.
Of course, I rushed to aid my friend and clear up the misunderstanding. I raised my hand to show that I was no threat, but my elbow went backwards instead of vertical, for some reason. Unfortunately, my friend was just then picking himself up off the floor, and his face met my elbow with considerable force.
At this point in time, security personnel hired by Sloppy Joe’s had arrived and saw only that my friend was knocked down by my elbow. Sixe very large gentleman escorted me from the establishment, not even permitting my feet to touch the ground. When we reached the door, their collective grips must have slipped because I found myself face-down on the sidewalk on Duval Street.
Staring at a pair of shiny black shoes. On the feet of a Key West Police Officer.
The officer would not listen to my pleas to enter the establishment and arrest the paramour who assaulted my friend. Instead, he warned me to leave the city immediately. I believe he must have been friends with disagreeable paramour, otherwise why would he have not done his duty as a peace officer?
As my traveling companions exited the establishment, we decided it was time to return to our camper. As we turned the corner of the establishment, we found a number of Harley Davidson motorcycles abandoned in a neat row along the side of the street. Since they were abandoned, we decided to salvage parts from the engines, specifically the distributor wires.
A profitable evening after all.
Nov
29
Artemis Pyle: Not a Freeebird
Filed Under Florida Crime | Leave a Comment
Thomas Delmer Pyle, aka Gomer Artemis Pyle of Lynyrd Skynyrd fame was arrested last week for failing to register properly as a sex offender. He was convicted almost 15 years ago for attempted capital sexual battery by an adult on a victim younger than 12 and principal to lewd and lascivious on a child younger than 16.
The address on his driver’s license didn’t match the address where he resides. Someone else owns and leases the property at the address on his driver’s license. Ok, whatever, just go take care of it, right? In fact, he was given 48 hrs to do so.
If it’s me, it gets handled on my way home from the jail.
Artemis was re-arrested Tuesday because he didn’t get his addresses straight in the 48 hrs he’d been given.
Dude, I know you don’t want anyone to ask you no questions, but they gave you 3 steps - did you get held up at the door?
Nov
29
Only in FLA: Was it his breath?
Filed Under Only in FLA | 1 Comment
So, I guess she isn’t going to be giving him the “it’s not you, it’s me” line? After all, if his kisses are so unwelcome, she bit part of his tongue off.
Good thing he wasn’t trying to force her to have oral sex, or I’d have to be hunting for pictures of Tobias Beecher.
Nov
28
Mark of the Mark, Gennie, & Dahmer (MGD) morning show at Rock 104.5 in Jacksonville made a startling admission on Monday’s show, a dark secret shared by the fathers of daughters across the country: He likes watching Hannah Montana.
Of course, Mark’s son is only 3 1/2 years old and has no interest in Hannah Montana. Perv.
As the father of two little princesses, I am intimately familiar with all things Hannah… perhaps I should phrase that differently. As a responsible parent of two young ladies, I monitor their television viewing habits by watching their shows with them.
That’s better.
Anyway, I tell my wife regularly that I think l’il Miley Cyrus is one heckuva good comedic actress. In fact, she’s a way better actress than she is singer. The Disney machine tries to do too much with her voice, in my opinion, making it something it really isn’t. But this girl can act!
So, it was with the sort of relief a closet alcoholic feels when their secret is discovered that I listened to Mark’s admission: Shame, mixed with the hope that someone out there understands - it’s the talent, dammit, the talent!
Of course, then MGD put together their tribute song to Hannah Montana (NSFW)**, and I stopped feeling like I’d bonded with Mark and started reviewing the FDLE sexual predator database.
**Song removed from their website for whatever reason - copyright? trademark? good taste?
More "Hannah Montana" Posts
- The Best of Both Worlds: A father’s admission about Hannah Montana
- Navel-gazing and thinking about Hannah Montana
Nov
27
New gear for Christmas
Filed Under Interesting | Leave a Comment
So, I talk about crime in Florida pretty regularly. Hard not to, what with drunken parents passing out in the car with kids in the backseat, or politicians being arrested for soliciting male prostitutes and what not. Florida’s got its own vibe when it comes to crime.
So, what do you get for that hard-working police officer, or cop-wannabee in the family? Head over to 511 tactical and see what they have. I see all kinds of cool stuff, especially the tactical pants. I like a lot of utility pockets, and being the fat guy that I am, I need pants that can take a beating.
Honey? You reading? I checked, and they do have the pants in fat-man sizes, too.
Nov
27
Only in FLA: (Drunken) Parents of the Year
Filed Under Only in FLA | 3 Comments
Why we insist on allowing EVERYONE with penis and a uterus to breed is beyond me.
It’s a shame the kids are the ones that have to suffer. I mean, really, what kind of parents get so wasted on a Saturday with their kids that they black out WHILE DRIVING HOME and can’t even remember what day it is?
Seriously, there is a class of stupidity so egregious it ought to be a zero-tolerance category when it comes to keeping custody of your kids.
Nov
26
Gingerbread House Fundraiser
Filed Under Feel Good Florida | 3 Comments
The Rotary Club of South Jacksonville has one of the most creative fundraisers going this holiday season. Check out the Gingerbread House Extravaganza. The Gingerbread House Extravaganza has raised $350,000 for charities since its founding in 2002. Photos can be seen here. What’s unique is the houses are designed to represent area landmarks, like the Bridge of Lions in St. Augustine.
Cool stuff!
Nov
25
First Friday Artwalk in St. Augustine
Filed Under Interesting | 1 Comment
This is the best time of year in St. Augustine. The weather is beautiful and the city does a great job of decorating with Night of Lights. There are also activities every single weekend, and one of the cool things to do is the St. Augustine Artwalk.
On the first Friday and Saturday every month, over 20 participating galleries offer tours that start at 5 p.m. There are complementary shuttles in the form of St. Augustine Sightseeing Trains and Old Town Trolley Tours if you’d like to ride between stops on the Artwalk. Galleries have exhibits that include local artists, including painting, photography, and music.
The schedule for the next few months is as follows:
- Dec. 7th and 8th
Jan. 4th and 5th
Feb. 1st and 2nd
March 7th and 8th
The First Friday Weekend Art Walk is another great reason to visit the city of St. Augustine. The weather this time of year is fantastic, the shops are stocked, the bed-and-breakfast inns are decorated for the holidays, and the romance levels are high. It’s no surprise that it was the weekend before Christmas that I proposed to my wife in St. Augustine.
Ok, maybe you unmarried guys might want to keep your girlfriends away…
Nov
24
Tebow for Heisman
Filed Under Football | 2 Comments
Hey, the guy has made it tough for the Heisman voters, that’s for sure. They may not want to give it to a sophomore, but THAT’s the only reason they have at this point. Tonight’s game against FSU was pure artistry, 50+ TDs by any player is unheard of in a college season.
I’m a Florida fan, but haven’t necessarily been a Tebow fan, but there isn’t any way to deny this guy his due.
